"Someday You Will Be Loved"

Someday You Will Be Loved


"I once knew a girl
In the years of my youth
With eyes like the summer
All beauty and truth
In the morning I fled
Left a note and it read
Someday you will be loved.

I cannot pretend that I felt any regret
Cause each broken heart will eventually mend
As the blood runs red down the needle and thread
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
And everytime tears roll down your cheeks
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved

You'll be loved you'll be loved
Like you never have known
The memories of me
Will seem more like bad dreams
Just a series of blurs
Like I never occurred
Someday you will be loved
Someday you will be loved"





I lie here and wonder if it's true. I console myself, for I know that once, I was loved like I'd never known. A beautiful lesson and metamorphosis for me. It is not like that anymore, but that's alright. For once, I was loved. And that memory warms me and lets me know that although everything may not be alright, I was loved. And that will be enough to help me carry on.

I have found my motivation!

HAH! Yes! I have found it and you have unknowingly given it to me. I have been sorting through possible keys, searching for the impetus for transmutation, and nothing seemed to fit the lock, but ahHA! Yes now, now it has appeared as a glowing warm metal, red hot and near deadly to touch. I insert it and it conforms to the lock, cooling the key into form and setting ablaze the contents in the locked box. Yes, this is what I needed. Don't blink, for now, here I go! You will regret your thoughtless, careless deeds.

"Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"

The Story of Us

Yes, I think I'm good now. I've recovered and I am ready to move on in my life. Alright, Next Chapter, here we go!



 

How I will remember you...

It is done. We, are done. Though we agreed to part 2 days before, today you left my side for good. For all the times you teared up when you’ve left me, you have not shed a single tear the past few days. I lay next to you and let my waters flow. Tears and words and wonders. You shrugged and “held your pride like you should have held me”. Not a hand did you extend, no words of comfort for me as our dying love writhes through my body, lashing out to strike at any ideas of what I thought we had. Does your love shut off so easily? You say you don’t care to see me ever again, it does not matter to you how my life turns out or what becomes of me after you. Ah, did you ever care for me? Why are you plunging these daggers into me? I bleed my salty devotion to you and try to explain my love for you, how if you wouldn’t mind I’d like to check in on you every once in awhile, maybe visit, text or write. You shrug and frown. Care not for my love you do… I don’t know if you ever truly understood my love for you… the depths to which I went and would go for you, and how deeply engrained I put you into my being. But I pray that someday, if you are ever alone and wondering if you were ever loved, you would think of me and come my way so I can try to scatter sunshine onto your darkness.

I love you, and I always will. And because I love you, I will choose to bury that moment, the moment you could have said no, said that you wanted to fight for us instead of quitting. I choose to forget the times you stepped on me and made me feel small. I’m going to burn the times you ignored me and felt affections for other women. I’m going to forget when you shunned me on my birthday or the times you chose to do things just because you knew they would anger me. The times you made fun of me and my semblance, and the times you left me alone in pain, I will smudge and blot out of our written record.

Because I love you, this is how I’m going to remember you… I’m going to remember when you reached out to my friends and family and extended the olive branch to those who disliked you. I’m going to remember the you who gave me a surprise visit when I needed you so badly. I’m going to remember the you that woke me up to hand picked wild flowers and pushed me on a rope swing. You who drove me back into the city to search the busy night streets for a missing earring. You who bought me a helmet so I’d be safe when we rode. You, who every once in awhile would beckon me to your side, and once in a while, your embrace. This is the you I will remember.

And if a future maiden of yours ever wants to seek out your past, send her my way, for I will give her something your other maidens of past could not have given, a good reference. I’m painting over the dark parts of the mural of us and covering them with all things bright. I will tell her of your charm and wit and those moments of kindness. And that is how I will remember you, because I love you. And I always will…

 

Addicted to a certain kind of sadness

          I’m stuck in my mourning. When will I shed these black clothes I deplore? I imagine myself slowly sliding off the black shawl around my shoulders, the first layer of my grieving garments. Then something in me reaches out and snatches it back just before it falls from my cool arms. It wraps snugly around me again, its familiarity bringing me strange warmth. I realize now… I’m addicted to a certain kind of sadness. My form has grown into the shape of sorrow. Like Bootstrap Bill, part of the crew, part of the ship. He grew into the ship and became covered in the barnacles and sea creatures growing on it. Not your favorite place to be, but yet you have a spot, a nitch you are accustomed to and fit into rather like a glove. So here I wander, in my clothes of lamentation. Wanting, but not ready to leave this familiar place, because I’m addicted to this sadness, addicted to someone… someone I used to know.   

Somebody That I Used To Know - Walk off the Earth 

Swirling Bowls of Ponderence Appear

I don’t keep my secrets in a box beneath my bed
They are trapped deep inside my head

I wish I could show you the things I know

Take you to the magical places I go

But you and I aren’t the same kind
And of me and mine, you are blind

Spinning

I'm spinning around, and around and around... perhaps I'm on a Merry-go-Round? No... a hamster wheel. The latter expends more energy, but like the former, both go in circles and reach no real destination. Maybe it's more like being caught in the dryer. It's hot and I'm trapped, ever trying to climb on top only to be tossed under. Maybe more like a tornado... spinning fast and out of control, flying debris crash into me when just when I'm starting to feel strong. Or I could be in a whirl pool... wet and ever drowning. Spinning into downward circles... wondering when one drop too many will send me under for good.


I dream, a dream of fantasy and whim. He pulls me out and knows what to do with my momentum. We are still spinning circles, but on a dance floor now. Now he is leading and directing. I follow and match him. Gradually, and almost indistinctly, he has slowed our pace. I don't feel dizzy anymore, and it's all in his hands. Before I near realize it, we have come to a complete stop. He stares into my eyes as if to say, "Wasn't that easy?". Easy for you, but something I can not seem to do.

"Spinning" - Jacks Mannequin