A Line To Keep You Safe

(I think it's best if this is read while softly listening to the song "One Line" by PJ Harvey,  but read it as you wish...)

To my Blue Flamingo,

Sometimes I want to write you a letter and pour out my soul. I want to say I'm sorry, so terribly sorry. I want to pull the daggers from your heart and beg your forgiveness. I want to sew on patches to stop your bleeding. I want to see the life and glow I know you possess, to see you shine again. But instead I "rip it from your hands and swear it's all gone". It's a lie, and we both know it's truth, but what else can we do? The constraint being the events… events we couldn’t have foreseen.

"and the world spins madly on..."

I swear I love you, and I always will. I will be loyal to you to the bitter end, whatever you do and however you anger me, no matter what corners of the world we drift to and how we change on our paths... I swear on my life, I will always be there for you, and should you ever call, I will come running. You mean the world to me and I would do near anything for you, anything but one thing, the thing that separated us from the start.

It breaks my soul to wonder, "who's going to call on a Sunday morning? Who's going to drive you home?" I feebly endeavor to suppress such thoughts, but you will never leave my mind, and you will never leave my heart. I possessed a love greater than the Notebook, and I let you go. Inexplicably explainable, such a painful peace I feel.

Is this it? Am I finally crossing over to the other side? I will always be watching for you. Looking for any sign of you. You don’t reach out to me much. But why should you? Was it not I who rejected you? I suppose you have every right to leave me in the dust and to never look back.

At least it was only young love, they say. Is this supposed to be a comfort? How dare they! Young love. Does this make it any less significant? Young love, when emotions and feelings are raw and pure. Untainted, unadulterated, and unhardened by the harsh world. How much deeper and more genuine can one get than unconditional and devoted young love? How much closer can one be than when eternally and spiritually woven? I pity them, for they cannot know we share an intangible bond I know the majority of others will never be fortunate enough to experience, and that few can even fathom to dream up. I harbor silent fears I myself will never again have such flame and intensity as we had… but that is for another time and it is all underwater now.

“If I had a friend on this earth, you’ve been a friend to me” How can I ever repay you? ever thank you? for the transformation you began in me. For the safe place you gave me to hide during the darkness of my life. For showing me a love I’d never known.

But I can repay you, in my own way. I run through the dark, in the stabbing cold and through the tearing shadows. Shrouded in my cloak of secrecy, I glide through the gripping forest.

I pause only briefly at the entrance, to close my eyes and let go; please know that you were the only one who could have brought me here now, and ever after.

I am granted audience with the Great Wizard.

Onto my knees I fall and plead my case, begging through salty rain that he grant my request. Small and weak I feel, beseeching great requests of the Master Enchanter when I am in no position to bargain, and he is always in control of everything. But whom else can I turn to, where else would I go?

“Deep magic you ask of me,” he muses as he rubs the globe atop his scepter. “As you yourself have taught sir, what greater gift can one give, than the sacrifice of self?” I ask, searching for his eyes. His gaze finally meets mine. He nods. “Your very life then, I will take care of that for you,” he says. 

A relief and fear wash over me. The ceremony he performs, drawing my blood with his. I take it and I draw a line, a line from your heart to mine, one line, to keep us safe… to keep you safe. You were the one thing I asked for with my whole heart and soul, the one thing I would plead for through tears every night for years, with complete and absolute faith that the Great Wizard would deliver. And he did. And this is how I get you. You cannot be mine, but you will be safe. Forever. And that is what I had asked for, is it not? In the end it was no longer about me, but you and only you. I had to have you safe, even if I could not be the one to keep you. And now, now you are safe.

I wish you could know, I wish you could feel, the depth of the love I have for you. And know, I gave, and would give, everything for you. 

One Line - PJ Harvey

Do you remember the first kiss?
Stars shooting across the sky
To come to such a place as this
You never left my mind

I'm watching from the wall
As in the streets we fight
This world all gone to war
All I need is you tonight

And I draw a line
To your heart today
'To your heart from mine
A line to keep us safe'

All through the rising sun
All through the circling years
You were the only one
Who could have brought me here

And I draw a line
To your heart today
'To your heart from mine
A line to keep us safe’